The Big C

Time to try something new. hopefully getting all of this out in the world of blog will help.

I am a wreck! I haven't cried less that 50 times a day in the last 4 days. 

First i will start with how grateful i am for what i have. I have the most amazing husband in the entire world. seriously. we have had our tributes, but our triumphs have overpowered. Its OK to be a little jealous. i have the best kids ever. they are all so damn wonderful. I am so proud to call them mine!

Now for whats troubling me...

my dad has cancer. yup the big C. sweet. he was diagnosed a while back when he had a 10cm 'tumor' in his right kidney. it was removed, and tested. cancer. just like that it was gone. or so we thought. it came back a few months later on his other kidney. sweet. right before he went in for surgery, it was cancelled and a body scan was ordered. spots on his lungs. the next week a spot was biopsied. cancer. sweet. oh wait, now there's something on his liver. lets just assume that's cancer too. 

My dad has stage 4 cancer. no more surgeries. chemo. A note about chemo. it sucks. every single warning or 'may cause...' happened. It happened fast. 6 months into treatment, chemo dose was lowered based on how sick my dad was because of it. 

Just yesterday my dad was taken off of chemo. good news? yes and no. 

no more upset stomach, no more diarrhea, no more night sweats, no more loss of appetite, no more not being able to taste his food, not more itchy hands, etc... no more living a few more unhappy months. 

No more living a few more unhappy months. wow. that about sums it up. The time he has left wont be as miserable. do i want him around forever? Not like this. I want him to enjoy, truly enjoy what little time he has left. 

Just a few days ago a friend called me. She called me in tears. Cancer. Holy Fuck!!! Shit just got real. shes my age. She is seriously the healthiest person i am friends with. She gardens her own food, eats organic, doesn't put any chemicals in her body, exercises regularly, etc... Cancer. 

Not super shocked about my dad in all honesty. upset for sure, but he leads a very unhealthy lifestyle. But by friend??? i am beside myself. A wreck. Why not me? shit, i smoke, i eat junk half the time, drink a pot of coffee daily, drink pop, never exercise. sweet.

Eye opener for sure. Do i know that what i do isn't healthy? of course i do. So its most defiantly time for a change. a change for my health, a change for my husband and kids. I want to enjoy so many more years of the good that i have created with my family. So today is day 4 on Scott and my journey of step 1. Quitting smoking\chewing tobacco. we quit a few years back with the help of nicorette gum. This time were trying chantex. 

Here's to a long wonderful life. cheers.